Negative Result...

I got my bloodwork result back. It was negative. My hCg levels were down which means that the embryo did not attach. So even though I was pregnant for a brief time, I am currently not pregnant.

I so wanted this to be true, but it was not meant to be this time around. I start the Dostinex asap and then our nurse, Lisa, said that I'll get my period once I stop the progesterone - which I won't take again until otherwise told.

I was very worried about going this morning. I was trying to be optimistic because I really wanted this to be a positive result, but I just knew I was no longer pregnant. I've known since Friday night. Call it woman's intuition - I just knew. I was hoping the result would be positive, but I was also being realistic.

The one thing that's easy about this is that we did not tell anyone. So if I don't want to, I don't have to tell anyone just yet about this. But dammit ... this sucks!

I'm very sad but I have to believe things happen for a reason.

Past 90 Hours...

The past 90 hours have been a huge emotional rollercoaster. It all started on Wednesday @ 2pm when I got the call from our nurse, Lisa. She had great news - I was pregnant. My head began spinning... could it really be true? After the past three months of tests, procedures, and frustration - I was shocked that it was happening.

She did mention that it was very early on and that she wanted me to go for a 2nd blood test on Monday (which will be tomorrow) to confirm the pregnancy. I understood that to mean that I was currently pregnant but they want to make sure that the embryo attachs itself to the lining. And after all the reading I did, that's what everything said.

Wednesday afternoon & Thursday was so exciting. I felt pregnant. I was cramping occassionally and just kept praying that the little thing would attach. I went out to dinner with Bridget on Wednesday and my god it was so hard NOT to say anything. Bridget, boy did I want to tell you!! But Dan & I didn't want to tell anyone until it was confirmed. And not only that, we hadn't discussed when we would tell people so mum has been the word. Thursday I was online looking up info, calculating my due date. I was 4 weeks which would have the EDD for February 19th, 2007 - right around my birthday! I mentioned this a few times to Dan but how cool would it be to bring a life into this world in the exact timing that I was brought in. Cool.

Friday I was more crampy. After lunch, it was almost a constant small ache. I thought it was because I went for a walk during lunch. After work, I took my 2nd pregnancy test since Wednesday. This one was also negative. I was starting to get very sad. Could it be possible that a bloodwork was positive but 2 home tests were negative? Did the embryo not attach?

Since Friday night, I've taken 2 more pregnancy tests (one yesterday morning and one this morning). They've both been negative. I don't feel pregnant. I've barely had cramps since Friday night and since I was not experiencing any other symptoms, I feel normal. I have not had any bleeding or spotting so I don't know if anything is correct or wrong. Could the bloodtest on Wednesday been a false alarm? If so, that's a cruel joke...

I'm still treating my body as if I am pregnant, just in case. But I don't feel it. We'll just have to wait until tomorrow's blood test.

But wow - it's amazing what the mind will do with information. "You're pregnant" - you begin to feel pregnant, you experience cramping, it's just different. You take 4 home pregnancy tests, all of them negative, your cramps stop, your temperature drops and you simply feel "normal" again.

What's normal mean anyway??

Holy Crap...

I'm pregnant.

I got a call from Lisa, my RN, around 1:58pm today regarding my blood work.

I was expecting her to say that she was going to call in a presecription for progesterone. In fact, she gave me the very opposite news. She told me I'm pregnant. She said it showed early signs so they want me to go back on Monday to repeat the bloodwork for confirmation. She told me that I am pregnant but too think of it as very early stages because something could go wrong. She said if Monday's tests come back positive then we're on our way. Certainly not the news I expected to hear AT ALL. I asked her if she was serious about 3 times and then I said "Holy crap". She just giggled and said "I know, it's very exciting"

She also said that my progesterone level is still a bit high so they have me taking a suppository to help lower the levels without any harm to the fetus. Interesting.

I'm trying not to get too excited as we won't know anything until Monday. I guess we just have to wait until Monday...

This is going to be very hard not to say a word to anyone. If we are, in fact, pregnant we have to figure out when we can tell immediate family. I don't know when to tell them and then how do we stagger that out. We'll tell everyone else in the 4th month.

I'm in shock...I'm pretty sure Dan was too.

Testing 1, 2, 3...

This is for when we finally are expecting Baby C...